JamesOzAmbitions of A Willing Teenager

This title for this blog doesn’t really have much to do with this topic but it’s a reminder for me that I need to let go of people easier when they’re hurting me. All I do is stick around and get fucking hurt. most people aren’t worth my pain and suffering. I deserve to be happy and I’m going to stick to this, Fuck forgiveness. If it happened, you ovbiously meant it.

I’ve been on school holidays for the past week and have another week left. Lately I’m just doing some school work now and then, getting out to see friends and enjoying life right now. I’m going to be changing my attitudes for everything now. No more fucking around and I’m going to buckle down and finish these last 5 days of school, I need to do this so I can follow my dreams.

I sometimes get an idea for a blog now and then but never get around to writing it, I’m really stuck for words lately, I’ve got some shit going on and it’s getting pretty serious. I need to smarten up my english or next year I’m fucked for school. I can barely structure a sentence let alone write one. My english teacher pretty much reduced me to tears on parent teacher interviews night because I realised really just how bad I’m going and how I really need help.

Work sucks at the moment because I really want to make more money and I’m getting really shit shifts, I’m sick of lending my mum money aswell. I just want to save for a new computer and a guitar. Why is it so hard? :’( It makes me feel so bad If I don’t lend her money, makes me feel responsible for things she can’t afford.

Gah!

Today is the day that I face the fact that the world is what I make of it. And if I change today, then I’ll have a chance to show real true love for one thing in my life without failing. From here on out, I vow to push myself another step above. From here on out I vow to do my best for the ones I love. Today is the day that I take the past mistakes that I have made and I throw them out the window; along with the people that have fucked me over in the past. Today is the day I realize I need to change and know I can bring the world to it’s knees.

Everything now in my life seems to ‘need attention’ my whole school report is full of ‘needs attention’ my blog needs attention, my dreams do, I need some alone time but it feels like all I do is fucking waste it, my life is a joke and I’m making stupid fucking decisions to back it up.

I need to think this over more and write a full blog, I really need too but I can’t, so fucking annoyed. I’ve failed yr10 and I still don’t act upon it…. fuck!

Time to pull my head in, I’ve decided, tomorrow. I’m a different boy.

Can’t write anything right now, expect a post tomorrow night, I need to gather my thoughts….

‘Why would she leave me for dead’ – James Murphy

Edit: I’ll have a post up by tomorrow morning, I’m still gathering thoughts and trying to patch this huge hole and fighting with Emily..