JamesOzAmbitions of A Willing Teenager

I haven’t added many entries to my blog lately, I’ve had heaps to deal with and depression really seems to be getting on top of me, which really sucks.

People wonder whats wrong and the sad part is, I can’t even answer that myself. I’m lost in so many thoughts that i can’t even think for myself, I’m lost and I don’t know what to do,  I need to get out of home, I need support, I need a hug, I need a push into the right direction, I’m lost and i don’t even know why. I know a lot has to do with breaking up with Amber, As much as I love her with all my heart, apart of me doesn’t want to go back to her because I don’t want things to end up how they were again, I don’t want to be hurt by her or have her try to hurt me like she has, I knew she said things to hurt me but i never thought she would and it really hurt me deep down because for a long time i couldn’t trust anybody and she finally earned my trust and ended up cutting me deep… I think I just need to take things slow, think before I do anything and hope for the best, If it doesn’t work out, Then I know its time to move on…

Why can’t I find a girl who’ll love me for me and for the good and the bad…

I have many issues on my mind. – Today i have several issues that i shall write about, Sex, Ignorance, War and my current life issues.

My first subject, Sex. This is a major thing in life, It happens all over the world and can cause heaps of problems down the track, pregnancy, STD, The list goes on and on, People usually regret their first time and feel shit about it, To many people don’t think it over before they’re going to do it, They don’t talk it over with the person, You really should do it with someone you love and trust, someone you’d let walk in when you’re naked, someone you wouldn’t have make-up on in-front of, Someone who loves you for the good and the bad, The list goes on and on but it comes down to how you go about it and how you discuss it with the other person, You shouldn’t be forced or feel obligated to have sex with somebody if you’re not 100% sure on it and feel comfortable with it, It’s ok to say no and not do it, if they’re your boyfriend or girlfriend and truly love you, they’ll understand, love isn’t based on sex.

Ignorance, I fucking hate when people are ignorant or can’t even listen to your opinion, if you’re ignorant, you can go fuck yourself asshole.

War – Imagine a world where everybody was deaf, how secure would you feel, you could scream anything you wanted and people wouldn’t be offended, you could hate whoever you wanted and they wouldn’t have a fucking clue, The world would be peaceful and nobody could ruin it. Everyone would pretty much be in their own little world and be-able to clearly think and not have to react to brain dead morons nor feel insecure because nobody can criticize you or who you are. I’ll keep dreaming for my perfect world where nearly everything was perfect.

I’m currently going through alot of shit and actually just broke up with my girlfriend, I still love her but things are so fucking hard, I failed my exams and I’m doing pretty shit at school, I need to pull my head in and focus on what I want to do and keep at it, next term I’m going to focus on school and working, I had a job interview on monday at KFC in Laverton, I think I went pretty decent but I haven’t had a call back so I’m not to sure if I’ve got the job or not, Only time will tell.

On the 28th of September 2007 Domainers from around the world pitched in with their hearts and wallets, We all knew what we were there for. Little Ethan Allen, A young UK boy who was born with Cerebral Palsy.

Many members throwing in domains, Money, Purchasing raffle tickets or just coming to the auction to support such a great cause. I was one of the main organizers of the event with the help of Ron James, Tom Reeve, Peter and many other great friends, After spending close to 48hours up and over $50 on caffeine products the auctions finished, After nearly 4hours of auction, raffles and some fun, People begun sending payments and goods were swapped and we roughly made $4,000US for little Ethan Allen, If that wasn’t enough. Registerbird.com offered a deal where they would give 10% of every registration that was made with the special code. I’d like to thank every member who helped out with the auction or donated/contributed to such a worthy cause.

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Its honestly been a long time since i’ve posted in this blog,  I’ve had heaps to deal with and a heap of school work. I’m currently still on anti-depressants and they’re helping me quite a lot, I’ve noticed i’m a lot more confident and am less self conscious. Its helping me so i’m sticking to them for now.

I’m currently completing my Year 11 Advanced learning for Information Technology exams and its quite stressful, I’ve got roughly 2 hours left to finish the website and then write up an evaluation and just hope that the teacher loves it. I’m just hoping i can knuckle down and finish the website tomorrow so then atleast i can do all the analysis and evaluation at home.

You can only Dream… – James Murphy.